oh my my my

i’m feelin’ high

my money’s gone

i’m all alone…

it’s been a rough couple of days, it’s finally coming to my attention that i am in fact dead broke. UI hasn’t kicked in yet so my savings is starting to dwindle in efforts to pay my bills. Personal things are just starting to take a toll & I keep looking for a way out. I’m absolutely not sure what I need, what needs to be done, what needs to change to make me feel happy again. I don’t feel much purpose in my day-to-day life here.

I have this idea of just shedding my life as I know it in Chicago & moving back to Appleton for 6 months or so to gather my thoughts & bearings, Appleton is that place where I can step out of myself & reflect on wtf is going on in my brain… but it’s just a baby-seed idea in my head right now, who knows what’s gonna happen in the next 7 months.

Regardless, I think I need to start at the beginning & see a shrink or therapist, I’ve been thrown a lot of emotional trauma and haven’t really dealt with it, just holding the cards in my hand like I can’t play the game.

All that builds pressure & my anxiety’s hitting record high… can’t even get upset about things without gag reflexes kicking in, scratching till I bleed & not being able to breathe. What’s a girl to do?

Anyway, on a more positive note, the first wedding of the season is on May 16th! I am excited to shoot with Shawn Marie again & to spend a few stress-free days in Appleton when the semester’s over. I want to make it a long weekend; Thursday night through Monday or something like that. Not like I need to be in Chicago for anything…. but the city is beautiful in the summer 🙂